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blkdragonf
Ok, I stay at home with my 8 month old. At first it was (and still kinda is) hard for me to do things during the day. I usually try to cram all the things that I have to do into the time when my son is sleeping. about 2-3 hours a day. And I try to fit in things when he is occupied with his toys or Sesame Street. I get things done, just slowly.
My husband doesn't understand and expects to see a whole lot more done by the time he gets home. According to him during the day I must: Feed, walk and train the dogs; keep the house clean, keep the front and backyard tidy (dog poo, leaves, weeds, etc), cook, clean and do laundry. Additionally, I unpack and pack his gym bag, fix him a plate so that its ready to eat as soon as he gets in the door and he doesn't even pour his own glasses of water - I have to do that. I feel like a slave. I also have to fill out paperwork (applications, rebates, etc) I have to do the taxes. Oh, did I mention that I'm taking care of my son AND I go to school online part-time. He expects good grades from that
He'll watch our son for 30 mins a day tops. So I hardly get a break. I never go out or have fun. He always talks about how I don't have friends. But I don't even have time to go out and meet them. We moved with his job so I don't have any family here and we can't afford a baby sitter at the moment.
I could get a job, but techincally I have one. He won't really give me money, so if I want something done that's not related to our son, I have to make it. I have a job that I can do online, but its not very reliable. Last month I was only able to get about 5 hours worth of work done.
Ok, so I'm asking is all this fair? He things that since he works, he doesnt have to do a thing around the house. He watches TV, plays video games and works on his motorcycle. He spends money on himself and his bike and his son, but I haven't gotten my hair done in about a year - but he complains saying that I look like a hobo.
I have no problem with staying at home. I would get a job outside of the home, but paying for daycare will cancel out any paycheck that I get. So It'll make more sense to do it how we are doing it. I don't mind doing things for my family. The only thing that I really dislike is that, to really get anything done, whether it is personal, for school, for money or for my son, I basically have to stay up all night to do it. Then I'm up with my son during the day, only sleeping when he does. Or not sleeping at all because I'm doing stuff during the day while he is sleeping.
Thanks for reading!
Answer
Oh my God, its like reading a story about my own life!
I totally sympathize with you 100%! I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old, and I can tell you, I collapse at the end of the day. I was actually just about to post a question in the Parenting section on how I can stay organized a bit so I can manage my time better. As it turns out, with everything that goes on in my day, its nearly damn impossible. Not to mention, my 3 year old and 6 month old wake up with me and go to bed with me. They rarely want to go to sleep before I do. So that means, I have no time to breathe....EVER! Because they are literally with me 24/7.
I know its hard. TRUST ME, I know this too well. My husband even vacations by himself. He goes on a 10 day or a month long vacation whenever he wants to, but when I say that he needs to take a few days off to be with me and the kids, he flips out saying he can't take days off because he has to pay the bills! How fair is that?
I used have friends. I used to take good care of myself. I used to be fit. I used to be happy. I used to be calmer, now I'm a heartbeat away from a major panic attack.
I used to have a lot of friends.
You can talk to your husband about your day all you want, however, he believes you have the LUXURY of staying at home and your life is really easy, so he expects more from you.
Right now, I have talked to my husband about our situation.
I told him me working would in fact be useless because my paycheck would go straight to a daycare.
Please talk to your husband. You have to.
There is nothing he can do to you if you don't clean the house up to his standards.
I have told my husband to eff off many times.
He is b^tching a lot less only because unhappy mom makes for an unhappy home.
He knows that.
By the way, if I ever want to go somewhere, I have to plan it around HIS schedule and only if he feels like it, he kinda lets me go.
Well, guess what? Lately, I just tell him "I need you home around 6pm, I am going out with my sister to the mall". No questions!
If he fails, then he's gonna have to be living with a very unhappy wife.
Tell your husband that your current situation is making you a bad wife and a bad mother. Not because you would do anything to hurt your husband or your child, but, when a woman is unhappy and depressed, she in fact is not a good wife or a good mother. The quality of our care to our kids goes way down when we are depressed. I have seen it happen to me.
I told my husband if I want to enjoy my children, I have to be away from them. Call me crazy, however, that umbilical cord was cut for a reason.
From now on, you do what YOU have to do for YOU.
Tell your husband, don't ask, tell him you are going somewhere. Tell him, you are going for a walk. Tell him you are going to get your hair done. Tell him you are going shopping. Tell him you want to get in a better shape and now that you only have one child, it will be easier for you to have more time for you, believe me, having two is that much harder to find time to do anything.
Start talking.
You are a person in this house too. You are the other part of this marriage and you are damn important part to this family. If everything is expected to run smoothly, you need to be taken care of better. That's just the way it is.
Whatever expectations he has, well, he better lower them because if he isn't helping you, he needs to lower them.
When he watches TV, turn it off and hand him the kid. I have done this a ton of times, it gets the point across. Men are not very good listeners. They only learn through actions.
When he is playing video games, unplug them and hand him over the kid. If he gets fussy about it, who cares? He's a father and he needs to be with his child. He is also your husband and he needs to be there when you need him.
Trust me, talking will get you nowhere with men.
I actually left my husband for a week because nothing was changing. He thought the home situation was fine and I was blowing it out of proportion. He thought our marriage was fine, and said I was complaining because i have nothing better to do.
We were basically falling apart. I felt like a slave, his cook and a maid, and his night time whore.
What did I get in return? I was ignored, criticized, forgotten and blamed for everything that went wrong.
So one night, I took my kids and headed to my parents' home.
This shook him up pretty badly. He is getting a bit better. He is more helpful, gives me time to myself, we go out when we can etc. He is far more involved with the kids then I expected.
My point with leaving him was that I can literally lose my voice talking, he wasn't listening.
Well, when he saw me loading our car with my stuff and our kids, that sent him a clear message that I have had enough.
Whatever you feel you need to do for yourself, do it. Don't think just because you stay at home, that for that reason you should feel like he is already doing you a favor.
Oh my God, its like reading a story about my own life!
I totally sympathize with you 100%! I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old, and I can tell you, I collapse at the end of the day. I was actually just about to post a question in the Parenting section on how I can stay organized a bit so I can manage my time better. As it turns out, with everything that goes on in my day, its nearly damn impossible. Not to mention, my 3 year old and 6 month old wake up with me and go to bed with me. They rarely want to go to sleep before I do. So that means, I have no time to breathe....EVER! Because they are literally with me 24/7.
I know its hard. TRUST ME, I know this too well. My husband even vacations by himself. He goes on a 10 day or a month long vacation whenever he wants to, but when I say that he needs to take a few days off to be with me and the kids, he flips out saying he can't take days off because he has to pay the bills! How fair is that?
I used have friends. I used to take good care of myself. I used to be fit. I used to be happy. I used to be calmer, now I'm a heartbeat away from a major panic attack.
I used to have a lot of friends.
You can talk to your husband about your day all you want, however, he believes you have the LUXURY of staying at home and your life is really easy, so he expects more from you.
Right now, I have talked to my husband about our situation.
I told him me working would in fact be useless because my paycheck would go straight to a daycare.
Please talk to your husband. You have to.
There is nothing he can do to you if you don't clean the house up to his standards.
I have told my husband to eff off many times.
He is b^tching a lot less only because unhappy mom makes for an unhappy home.
He knows that.
By the way, if I ever want to go somewhere, I have to plan it around HIS schedule and only if he feels like it, he kinda lets me go.
Well, guess what? Lately, I just tell him "I need you home around 6pm, I am going out with my sister to the mall". No questions!
If he fails, then he's gonna have to be living with a very unhappy wife.
Tell your husband that your current situation is making you a bad wife and a bad mother. Not because you would do anything to hurt your husband or your child, but, when a woman is unhappy and depressed, she in fact is not a good wife or a good mother. The quality of our care to our kids goes way down when we are depressed. I have seen it happen to me.
I told my husband if I want to enjoy my children, I have to be away from them. Call me crazy, however, that umbilical cord was cut for a reason.
From now on, you do what YOU have to do for YOU.
Tell your husband, don't ask, tell him you are going somewhere. Tell him, you are going for a walk. Tell him you are going to get your hair done. Tell him you are going shopping. Tell him you want to get in a better shape and now that you only have one child, it will be easier for you to have more time for you, believe me, having two is that much harder to find time to do anything.
Start talking.
You are a person in this house too. You are the other part of this marriage and you are damn important part to this family. If everything is expected to run smoothly, you need to be taken care of better. That's just the way it is.
Whatever expectations he has, well, he better lower them because if he isn't helping you, he needs to lower them.
When he watches TV, turn it off and hand him the kid. I have done this a ton of times, it gets the point across. Men are not very good listeners. They only learn through actions.
When he is playing video games, unplug them and hand him over the kid. If he gets fussy about it, who cares? He's a father and he needs to be with his child. He is also your husband and he needs to be there when you need him.
Trust me, talking will get you nowhere with men.
I actually left my husband for a week because nothing was changing. He thought the home situation was fine and I was blowing it out of proportion. He thought our marriage was fine, and said I was complaining because i have nothing better to do.
We were basically falling apart. I felt like a slave, his cook and a maid, and his night time whore.
What did I get in return? I was ignored, criticized, forgotten and blamed for everything that went wrong.
So one night, I took my kids and headed to my parents' home.
This shook him up pretty badly. He is getting a bit better. He is more helpful, gives me time to myself, we go out when we can etc. He is far more involved with the kids then I expected.
My point with leaving him was that I can literally lose my voice talking, he wasn't listening.
Well, when he saw me loading our car with my stuff and our kids, that sent him a clear message that I have had enough.
Whatever you feel you need to do for yourself, do it. Don't think just because you stay at home, that for that reason you should feel like he is already doing you a favor.
Are you willing to make a difference?
chrissi_gu
Little do you all know of Joseph Kony. He is a horrible man, and his name needs to be known.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Watch that video, it's about him. He is in Africa and he abducts children in Africa, turning young girls into sex slaves and boys into soldiers. He makes them kill their own parents. He's been doing this for years, and he won't stop. This isn't just a few children, it's over 30,000.
I'm 14 years old, I know I don't have the power of a celebrity or a big name who can share it with the world. But why should I have a good life? Good friends. family, food, money, luxuries, school- when there are kids in Africa suffering, going to sleep at night scared of being kidnapped or killed.
This is your chance to make a difference. Do you think you can? Spread the word of Kony 2012. Not to praise him, but to make his name famous and known so we can find him and finally put an end to this. Everyone together can change this, are you willing to help?
Answer
Read up kiddo, because what you think you know isn't true, during the 90's Kony fought among his fighters and was a visible force in the LRA.(This was when people should have paid attention). The man is getting older though and he himself must realize that his chances of ruling the region completely will never happen during his life time. During the past 10 years Kony has been building the LRA to last, killing him, arresting him, shredding his body into fine dust, none of it changes anything or the situation in region. Compare killing him to killing Binladen, Al-Qaeda was almost unscathed by the event and the LRA will react in almost the same way. There are far more important things for the West to be doing in Africa.
1) The United States alone pours billions into African aid every year, a large portion of this aid goes to the 'governments' in Africa. Immediately most countries hand out a large portions of that money to the Tribes and War Chiefs to keep them satisfied so that they may 'spend it on their people'. What actually happens is that money goes to funding mercs and fighters which keeps fueling more wars in central Africa
2) There are far worse crimes in Africa going on, in the Congo multiple Congo resistance groups are burning villages, tested unknown chemicals, and blindly gassing massive amounts of land. In Somalia Al-Shabaab is kidnapping women and children and forcing the women to give birth to more soldiers, and raising the already kidnapped children as fighters. On top of this Al-Shabaab is funding pirates, and waging holy wars in neighboring countries forcing millions to flee the horn of Africa,
3) North Africa is burning itself down at an incredible rate, governments in the North are on the verge of collapse and already countries have begun to split.
All in all, it's great that people want to go after Kony, but it may already be too late to do anything except send troops to Uganda, and that won't really solve anything. People should focus on fixing the African aid system that exists so that the masses can be educated, ignorance is what gives ALL of these brutes their power. There are far more terrorist organizations in Africa than anywhere in the world, and thousands of mercenary groups have made a killing off of all the wars, so much so that many mercenary groups have bought land in central and north African nations(Essentially they've become their own military-micronation) Africa has been burning with the glow of war since well before even your great grand parent's time because of mistakes the world has made in intervening in events they didn't fully understand. Do any of you people seriously think for even a moment now that a single candle means anything when compared to an inferno that blazes brighter than a sun?
Keep your wits about you and educate yourself, the American Education system refuses to teach about these touchy tales but that's no excuse for you to blindly take a step BACKWARDS when dealing with the problem that is the stability in Africa.
Edit: Something to note, Kony may be 'evil' but the Ugandan government is no more innocent than he. Supporting the lesser of two evils in itself is evil and wrong.
Read up kiddo, because what you think you know isn't true, during the 90's Kony fought among his fighters and was a visible force in the LRA.(This was when people should have paid attention). The man is getting older though and he himself must realize that his chances of ruling the region completely will never happen during his life time. During the past 10 years Kony has been building the LRA to last, killing him, arresting him, shredding his body into fine dust, none of it changes anything or the situation in region. Compare killing him to killing Binladen, Al-Qaeda was almost unscathed by the event and the LRA will react in almost the same way. There are far more important things for the West to be doing in Africa.
1) The United States alone pours billions into African aid every year, a large portion of this aid goes to the 'governments' in Africa. Immediately most countries hand out a large portions of that money to the Tribes and War Chiefs to keep them satisfied so that they may 'spend it on their people'. What actually happens is that money goes to funding mercs and fighters which keeps fueling more wars in central Africa
2) There are far worse crimes in Africa going on, in the Congo multiple Congo resistance groups are burning villages, tested unknown chemicals, and blindly gassing massive amounts of land. In Somalia Al-Shabaab is kidnapping women and children and forcing the women to give birth to more soldiers, and raising the already kidnapped children as fighters. On top of this Al-Shabaab is funding pirates, and waging holy wars in neighboring countries forcing millions to flee the horn of Africa,
3) North Africa is burning itself down at an incredible rate, governments in the North are on the verge of collapse and already countries have begun to split.
All in all, it's great that people want to go after Kony, but it may already be too late to do anything except send troops to Uganda, and that won't really solve anything. People should focus on fixing the African aid system that exists so that the masses can be educated, ignorance is what gives ALL of these brutes their power. There are far more terrorist organizations in Africa than anywhere in the world, and thousands of mercenary groups have made a killing off of all the wars, so much so that many mercenary groups have bought land in central and north African nations(Essentially they've become their own military-micronation) Africa has been burning with the glow of war since well before even your great grand parent's time because of mistakes the world has made in intervening in events they didn't fully understand. Do any of you people seriously think for even a moment now that a single candle means anything when compared to an inferno that blazes brighter than a sun?
Keep your wits about you and educate yourself, the American Education system refuses to teach about these touchy tales but that's no excuse for you to blindly take a step BACKWARDS when dealing with the problem that is the stability in Africa.
Edit: Something to note, Kony may be 'evil' but the Ugandan government is no more innocent than he. Supporting the lesser of two evils in itself is evil and wrong.
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Title Post: Stay at home wife needs help! Is this fair?(long)?
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Rating: 98% based on 9457 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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