BeatnikBla
*Copyright 2011
HENRY is the latest breed of aspiring actor. His craving for love and recognition has left him crippled on an impossible path towards stardom. Desperate for purpose in his life, a disillusioned Henry continues on convinced his "big break" is just around the corner, even though every fiber of his being screams for escape. In the cesspool of long suffering and desperate artists that make up the majority of a starving Hollywood, Henry stands out from the rest, a ticking timebomb on the verge of mental collapse. How he will handle his unavoidable demise even Henry won't dare imagine.
"He who conquers himself has won a great victory than he who conquers a city." - Proverbs
Recommended song for opening of film: "King's Crossing" by Elliott Smith:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezerLW5jPwI
FADE IN:
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - TWILIGHT
The film opens on a ESTABLISHING SHOT of downtown Los Angeles. The skyscrapers and vast city landscape are sillohuetted in darkness. The sky is slightly illuminated with a dark blue glow and the sun is about to crack the horizon.
CUT TO:
EXT. RICH NEIGHBORHOOD, BEVERLY HILLS - DAWN
An upscale neighborhood street lined with tall and skinny palm trees is in view near Sunset and Gale. Mercedes Benz, SUV's and other expensive vehicles are parked on the street and some on driveways. Sprinklers spray water on fresh green lawns outside the mansions.
CUT TO:
EXT. RODEO DRIVE - EARLY MORNING
On Rodeo Drive the fancy shops and clothing botiques have not yet opened. The street is mostly empty baring a few luxury cars. An attractive young woman in exercise clothes can be seen walking her white maltese near the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.
CUT TO:
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - MORNING
A middle aged jewish man dressed in street clothes and yamaka, restocks his magazine stand near the corner of Pico and Robertson.
BACK TO:
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MORNING
Overlooking the city towards downtown again, TIME LAPSES and the sun rises quickly behind the city skyline. The clouds and smog tainted sky glow with glorious hues of blue, pink, and orange. As the sky brightens the city awakens with increased activity; more cars fill the streets, sidewalks fill with pedestrian activity and large groups wait at bus stops. Main streets and avenues bustle with traffic, and red double decker Hollywood Star Line buses tour the city. The time lapse merges slowly into normal time at the peak of this activity.
BACK TO:
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - AFTERNOON
The same jewish man has a couple of customers in line now and other pedestrians browsing his magazine stand. The large selection of magazines is revealed as we pan across the rectangular stand. After nearing the end of the stand the latest issue of TIME magazine becomes the focus. On the cover, a silohuetted figure of a man steps out of a limosuine and onto a red carpet with lightbulbs flashing. The TIME magazine headline reads: "A New Hollywood Star?"
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. - SUNSET BOULEVARD - AFTERNOON
Time appears to stop as a black limosuine emerges amongst traffic in slow motion from right to left while pedestrians and traffic LAPSE in time. Behind the wheel, HENRY, a handsome, 25 year old limo driver and afghanistan combat veteran, hides behind black sunglasses smirking with the window down.
We observe Henry's moving Limo from different angles as he drives along: aerial view, wide shots and side shots interspersed with panoramic shots of the Hollywood Hills, surrounding area, L.A, and iconic Hollywood sign.
BACK TO:
EXT. - MAGAZINE STAND - AFTERNOON
CLOSE ON the TIME magazine with the silohuetted figure stepping out of the limo lying flat on the cashier counter as a business woman in beige coat and heels pulls out her wallet to pay the Jewish man while others wait in line behind her.
INTERCUT TO:
EXT. - SUNSET BOULEVARD. - AFTERNOON
The street pavement flows by like a river as the wheels of Henry's black limosuine spin round and round at regular speed. We slowly zoom out as Henry's black limosuine pulls away heading west on a bustling Sunset Boulevard towards Bel Aire. Cue Title:
***You think there's too much description? And how do you think the song fits? Thanks : )
Answer
- Yes, there's too much description - far too much. This isn't a novel - you don't have to describe what grass or a sunrise looks like.
- Don't use CUT TO, BACK TO etc. unless you're making the movie yourself or you've been asked to write a shooting script.
- Don't use TWILIGHT, DAWN, MORNING, AFTERNOON. Stick to DAY and NIGHT - this is basic info for the team that will light the film. Any further description of time of day goes in the action lines.
- Don't use 'the film opens', 'can be seen', 'is in view'. Just say what we see. We know we're gonna see it, otherwise you wouldn't have written it.
- ONLY say what we see (or hear). How do we know Henry is an Afghanistan combat veteran?
- Don't direct the camera.
- Keep action paragraphs to four lines max, preferably shorter. New camera shot, new line.
- All leading men are handsome - you don't have to say it.
- Don't cue the title.
- Don't write the soundtrack. I don't know the song. If I'd hated the song or the artist it'd be an even worse result. You're the storyteller, not the director or the soundtrack guy. Stick to telling the story.
- Don't say what people wear unless it's important to the plot or shows character. You're not the costume designer either.
- I don't get the point of the time lapse scene.
Very quick rewrite - pay attention:
FADE IN:
EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - NIGHT
The sky begins to lighten, silhouetting the L.A. skyline.
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS - DAY
An upscale street near Sunset and Gale. Expensive vehicles, parked on the street and on driveways, glint in the light of the sunrise.
Sprinklers water the lawns of mansions.
EXT. RODEO DRIVE - DAY
The stores and boutiques are still closed, the street empty except for the occasional luxury car.
An attractive young woman in exercise clothes walks her white maltese past the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - DAY
A middle aged JEWISH MAN restocks his magazine stand near the corner of Pico and Robertson.
EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - DAY
A hot afternoon now. The city streets bustle with activity.
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - DAY
Customers browse the magazine stand. Someone picks up a copy of TIME magazine.
On the cover, a silhouetted male figure steps out of a limousine and onto a red carpet with lightbulbs flashing. The headline reads: "A New Hollywood Star?"
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - DAY
A black limousine crawls through traffic. The limo driver is HENRY, 25, hiding behind black sunglasses and smirking.
The limo moves through L.A. and past the iconic HOLLYWOOD sign.
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - DAY
The TIME magazine lies flat on the counter.
A business woman pulls out her wallet to pay. Others wait in line behind her.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - DAY
The wheels of Henry's limo go round and round as it drives and drives.
The limo heads west on a bustling Sunset Boulevard towards Bel Aire.
(This doesn't seem to make sense as he started in Sunset Boulevard, drove round loads, and now he's back...)
Personally I don't think there's enough here to tell if it's a good opener. It hasn't caught my interest really, but then it is only about a page. On the whole, you need to pay less attention to directing fancy visuals and more to telling the story.
Hope this helps, anyway. I'm a sold screenwriter so hopefully I know what I'm talking about. Good luck.
- Yes, there's too much description - far too much. This isn't a novel - you don't have to describe what grass or a sunrise looks like.
- Don't use CUT TO, BACK TO etc. unless you're making the movie yourself or you've been asked to write a shooting script.
- Don't use TWILIGHT, DAWN, MORNING, AFTERNOON. Stick to DAY and NIGHT - this is basic info for the team that will light the film. Any further description of time of day goes in the action lines.
- Don't use 'the film opens', 'can be seen', 'is in view'. Just say what we see. We know we're gonna see it, otherwise you wouldn't have written it.
- ONLY say what we see (or hear). How do we know Henry is an Afghanistan combat veteran?
- Don't direct the camera.
- Keep action paragraphs to four lines max, preferably shorter. New camera shot, new line.
- All leading men are handsome - you don't have to say it.
- Don't cue the title.
- Don't write the soundtrack. I don't know the song. If I'd hated the song or the artist it'd be an even worse result. You're the storyteller, not the director or the soundtrack guy. Stick to telling the story.
- Don't say what people wear unless it's important to the plot or shows character. You're not the costume designer either.
- I don't get the point of the time lapse scene.
Very quick rewrite - pay attention:
FADE IN:
EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - NIGHT
The sky begins to lighten, silhouetting the L.A. skyline.
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS - DAY
An upscale street near Sunset and Gale. Expensive vehicles, parked on the street and on driveways, glint in the light of the sunrise.
Sprinklers water the lawns of mansions.
EXT. RODEO DRIVE - DAY
The stores and boutiques are still closed, the street empty except for the occasional luxury car.
An attractive young woman in exercise clothes walks her white maltese past the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - DAY
A middle aged JEWISH MAN restocks his magazine stand near the corner of Pico and Robertson.
EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - DAY
A hot afternoon now. The city streets bustle with activity.
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - DAY
Customers browse the magazine stand. Someone picks up a copy of TIME magazine.
On the cover, a silhouetted male figure steps out of a limousine and onto a red carpet with lightbulbs flashing. The headline reads: "A New Hollywood Star?"
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - DAY
A black limousine crawls through traffic. The limo driver is HENRY, 25, hiding behind black sunglasses and smirking.
The limo moves through L.A. and past the iconic HOLLYWOOD sign.
EXT. MAGAZINE STAND - DAY
The TIME magazine lies flat on the counter.
A business woman pulls out her wallet to pay. Others wait in line behind her.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - DAY
The wheels of Henry's limo go round and round as it drives and drives.
The limo heads west on a bustling Sunset Boulevard towards Bel Aire.
(This doesn't seem to make sense as he started in Sunset Boulevard, drove round loads, and now he's back...)
Personally I don't think there's enough here to tell if it's a good opener. It hasn't caught my interest really, but then it is only about a page. On the whole, you need to pay less attention to directing fancy visuals and more to telling the story.
Hope this helps, anyway. I'm a sold screenwriter so hopefully I know what I'm talking about. Good luck.
Do you think the game of baseball has been more successful or less successful following the 1994-95 strike?
Q. Everyone is entitled to own opinions.
If you said the game of baseball has been less successful after the 1994-95, what did you like about the game better than where's it's at today?
If you think it's been more successful, what do you like better about today's game compared to the events before the strike?
I need some insight on this because it was an infamous event. But at the time the strike occurred, I was a little kid and didn't understand what was going on.
If you said the game of baseball has been less successful after the 1994-95, what did you like about the game better than where's it's at today?
If you think it's been more successful, what do you like better about today's game compared to the events before the strike?
I need some insight on this because it was an infamous event. But at the time the strike occurred, I was a little kid and didn't understand what was going on.
Answer
Much depends upon what are the defined success metrics.
Revenue is WAY up.
Attendance set a record in 2007, just under 80 million tickets, and while seasons since have dipped a bit, that's as easily explicable by the economy at large than by any meaningful loss of baseball's popularity.
The wave of new parks has continued unabated. (It's only running out of steam because there's only two teams left that really want a new yard.)
There's been two more teams added since the strike.
The expanded postseason and interleague play appear to be maintaining their popularity.
Asian talent, while still barely a trickle, is now established.
TV ratings -- man, I do NOT comprehend why anyone outside of the television industry gives a damn about these things. The entertainment market has been massively fragmented over the past 15 years ("World Wide Web" was barely an infant in '94) -- there are more channels, more programming, and more semi-good programming at that, than ever before; plus television technology has disseminated to many more outlets. The result -- more eyeballs are watching baseball (or anything, really) than ever, but the percentage or points allotted to those eyeballs are smaller because the whole pie grew faster than just the MLB segment. This is not being a problem. Goodness, we now have MLB NETWORK!
Not to be overlooked, there is now a comprehensive steroids policy in place, which appears to be working.
And -- this one, to me, is a critical point -- the 1994-95 nuclear winter taught baseball's powers-that-be an important lesson which has not been forgotten. Hence, the subsequent CBA negotiations, in 2002 and 2007, came and went without work stoppages, and largely without contention or rancor. And early signs are that the 2011 renewal will similarly go smoothly. This has been a VERY GOOD thing.
Consequent with those CBAs since the strike, MLB also has effectual revenue sharing and a functional payroll luxury tax. No team has gone bankrupt (except on paper, as legal maneuvers; no one is out of business). Of the 30 teams today, only four teams have not been to the postseason since the strike -- but there's no helping some franchises.
Overall, yes, I'd say Major League Baseball is more successful now than before the strike. Painful as it was, it did propagate short- and long-term positive effects.
Things could be better, but they are not at all bad.
And for those who simply want to lay curses upon all houses of blame, note that Fehr no longer runs the union, and Selig claims he'll really retire in 2012. So the primary actors, or at least the front men, will soon pass into history.
Much depends upon what are the defined success metrics.
Revenue is WAY up.
Attendance set a record in 2007, just under 80 million tickets, and while seasons since have dipped a bit, that's as easily explicable by the economy at large than by any meaningful loss of baseball's popularity.
The wave of new parks has continued unabated. (It's only running out of steam because there's only two teams left that really want a new yard.)
There's been two more teams added since the strike.
The expanded postseason and interleague play appear to be maintaining their popularity.
Asian talent, while still barely a trickle, is now established.
TV ratings -- man, I do NOT comprehend why anyone outside of the television industry gives a damn about these things. The entertainment market has been massively fragmented over the past 15 years ("World Wide Web" was barely an infant in '94) -- there are more channels, more programming, and more semi-good programming at that, than ever before; plus television technology has disseminated to many more outlets. The result -- more eyeballs are watching baseball (or anything, really) than ever, but the percentage or points allotted to those eyeballs are smaller because the whole pie grew faster than just the MLB segment. This is not being a problem. Goodness, we now have MLB NETWORK!
Not to be overlooked, there is now a comprehensive steroids policy in place, which appears to be working.
And -- this one, to me, is a critical point -- the 1994-95 nuclear winter taught baseball's powers-that-be an important lesson which has not been forgotten. Hence, the subsequent CBA negotiations, in 2002 and 2007, came and went without work stoppages, and largely without contention or rancor. And early signs are that the 2011 renewal will similarly go smoothly. This has been a VERY GOOD thing.
Consequent with those CBAs since the strike, MLB also has effectual revenue sharing and a functional payroll luxury tax. No team has gone bankrupt (except on paper, as legal maneuvers; no one is out of business). Of the 30 teams today, only four teams have not been to the postseason since the strike -- but there's no helping some franchises.
Overall, yes, I'd say Major League Baseball is more successful now than before the strike. Painful as it was, it did propagate short- and long-term positive effects.
Things could be better, but they are not at all bad.
And for those who simply want to lay curses upon all houses of blame, note that Fehr no longer runs the union, and Selig claims he'll really retire in 2012. So the primary actors, or at least the front men, will soon pass into history.
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Title Post: What do you think of the opening sequence of my screenplay?
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Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 98% based on 9457 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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