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Step daughter is 23 with a kid. She graduated college 18 mos ago. She had a baby, has never worked a day in her life. My husband has been paying for everything. He is now regretting it. It is debilitating her. She lives with the belief that she does not have to work and she can use anyone anyway she wants. My husband is likely going to be laid off. It dawned on me today that he basically treated her like his wife (without the spousal duties). He has 3 kids. He bought her a brand new car, a 1000 dollar great dane, designer everything, a condo, top notch furniture. all she has to do is well - nothing. He pays Cobra Insurance for her because she is a grown up and the insurance lapsed.
She has been fighting custody over the baby with the father, but really all they (the father of the baby) want is standard visitation. She lives in another state and we have asked her to come home but she won't because of one reason or another (including the father of the baby won't allow it). We told her she could come live here, but who would want to leave a spacious condo with cherry hardwood floors to live in a crowded house, right? We offered that we could watch the baby while she works if she moves down here. She said no, she was going to go to graduate school.
She wants the father of the baby not to have any rights whatsoever, so she wants about $10,000 to pay for a lawyer. My husband said he is no longer going to pay her way and that he agrees that he has been allowing her to live in a fantasy world and he wants to stop doing this.
She was just hired for a job for $15 an hour and full benefits, he would have been willing to continue making house payments to help her out until she could get on her feet, but she turned down the job because she felt that daycare would be traumatic on the 10 month old baby. Then she called back and said she just bought a GPS navigation system for 200 bucks and could dad please put money in her account! I was floored. I have been in the situation of having a child alone and I never in my wildest dreams would have thought to have bought a "luxury" item, especially when it was not needed.
I am also worried because she is so set on being able to give her infant daughter psychotic meds because she thinks that the child may need it in the future and does not want the father of this infant to have any say so. I just have this feeling like my husband is going behind my back and going to give her money the minute she starts crying. She refuses to accept any responsibility. She won't get a job. She makes excuses, she is manipulative and she knows exactly what to say to get money from her dad. He doesn't have a backbone where she's concerned. When he tells her to do something, he says it in a manner that sounds more like he is afraid to get through to her she cannot carry on like this. He is afraid of losing her.
She honestly believes that the salary my husband makes is her salary. She acts as though she has the same rights as a spouse. My husband and I have talked but I am having serious doubts that he will follow through.
She calls him an a-hole and then turns around and talks about him dying and tells him that since he married me, if affects her inheritance. They sat at Thanksgiving Dinner and told their dad that he needed to go die basically. But he does not hear what his kids tell him or basically takes it as a joke. My kids have never told me to go die (maybe go to hell, but not die). Then she started in that the dishes that were given to him in his first wife's marriage (she deceased) and that she wants them and is entitled to them. He bought many of the pieces to make it a complete set. We would likely have given them to her later, but she feels some direct and immediate entitlement to them.
So today I heard her talking about my five year and making accusations that were not true and I just yelled at my husband who was ever so nicely telling her she was not being appropriate, I told her to take care of herself and her child and quit manipulating her father. He got mad at me because she hung up on him. I told him I did not care to hear anymore because all she does is talk. I am thinking I should get a job albeit it would be considerably less than what he could make, but I may end up having to leave because I am really having a hard time thinking I could live with this. I had not realized he is basically married to this child, who thinks she has entitlement.
I have been through a lot of sad times, I have been through rough times. My parents were well off and did not offer me a "bail out" I went through college nursing a child and working. I did not get ammenities like a PC to type my papers I had to drive over an hour to get to a computer and usually had to stay up 3-4 days at a time during finals weeks. I don't desire more money or "things" for myself. I can take care of myself. It's the attitude of this girl and the way she treats her father that makes me infu
Answer
You are frustrated, yes it does sound crazy. Your feelings are justified. It doesn't affect her inheritance, it affects her behavior. She is being unreasonable and is manipulating and controlling.
She is entitled to a spanking. He needs to grow up and act like a husband and a father. If you leave will his life be better?
How?
Will he be manipulated even more by this self centered child?
You are reasonable in your claims and explanations of these issues.
The trick I believe, is to make your husband see how he is being controlled through guilt, or is he living his old marriage through his daughter as you suggest?
She needs some tough love. She needs to learn some lessons about life. You are correct on what she needs. Again how do you convince your husband to see and then take action on correcting these issues. What a hard road to hoe.
The only thing I can suggest... Both of you sit down in front of each other holding hands. Tell him 5 things that you appreciate about him. Then give him one concern.
After this tell him your dreams and desires in life.
He can't speak until your done.
Then it is his turn to do the same.
What this will accomplish is bringing you both closer in word and deed.
He will start seeing you as his companion and confidante. He will stop viewing you as interfering.
He will relate to you more and will listen to your guidance with conviction. He will start to appreate your contributions to the marriage and to this issue.
Good luck
You are frustrated, yes it does sound crazy. Your feelings are justified. It doesn't affect her inheritance, it affects her behavior. She is being unreasonable and is manipulating and controlling.
She is entitled to a spanking. He needs to grow up and act like a husband and a father. If you leave will his life be better?
How?
Will he be manipulated even more by this self centered child?
You are reasonable in your claims and explanations of these issues.
The trick I believe, is to make your husband see how he is being controlled through guilt, or is he living his old marriage through his daughter as you suggest?
She needs some tough love. She needs to learn some lessons about life. You are correct on what she needs. Again how do you convince your husband to see and then take action on correcting these issues. What a hard road to hoe.
The only thing I can suggest... Both of you sit down in front of each other holding hands. Tell him 5 things that you appreciate about him. Then give him one concern.
After this tell him your dreams and desires in life.
He can't speak until your done.
Then it is his turn to do the same.
What this will accomplish is bringing you both closer in word and deed.
He will start seeing you as his companion and confidante. He will stop viewing you as interfering.
He will relate to you more and will listen to your guidance with conviction. He will start to appreate your contributions to the marriage and to this issue.
Good luck
â¼ Can you pen an amusing little tale that includes as many of these lines as possible?
I am Sunsh
As you know...This is not homework...Merely wholesome fun on YA.
1. Am I The Only Sane Person Here?
2. 20 Miles From Nowhere
3. And Now It's Raining.....PERFECT!
4. Ca_CHING!!!!!!! JACKPOT!!!!
5. 9-1-1.....May I Put You On Hold?
6. Not To Be Johnny Raincloud, buuuuuuuuuut......
7. I Am Dating A Very Disturbed Person.
8. Uh huh. Uh huh......What Did You Say?
9. My 1987 Volvo Has A Higher IQ Than You.
10. So NOOOOOOOOW The Truth Is Revealed!!
11. Ahhhh. The Plot Thickens.
12. Please Senator. Just Answer The Question. Did You Or Did You Not ____________ ?
Answer
Ok, it's getting a little long, so here is what I have so far. I will add the rest when it's done!
I peered through the filthy windshield at the rapidly narrowing dirt road and asked, âDoes anyone else think this is a bad idea, or am I the only sane person here?â
A chorus of negation followed by several volleys of crumpled napkins and food wrappers was the answer from the three other people in the over-loaded Honda. A cherry red, brand new Honda Fit that had, before this god-forsaken journey into the heart of darkness, been shiny and sweet smelling. Now itâs cute interior looked like a landfill, and itâs bright exterior was coated with so many layers of crud and filth it looked more gray than red. To top it all off, it was about 110 degrees outside, and I had opted to save money and forgo the luxury of air-conditioning.
I waved my hand dismissively at them, pulling my sticky tank top away from my body, and concentrated on avoiding some of the larger, more canyon-like potholes in the roadâ¦nay⦠trail I was navigating. 20 miles from nowhere, and getting further by the second.
âAre you sure you read the map right?â I asked my boyfriend, James, for the hundredth time, in a way I was sure was a very annoying. Honestly, I didnât really care at this point. He simply brushed back a lock of thick chestnut hair (no man should have hair as great as this- really) and looked at me in that irritatingly calm manner of his. Sometimes his refusal to be baited bordered on pathological. I mean, didnât everyone lose it at one time or another?? Not James. Cool as a cucumber. On ice.
Suddenly a wet splotch appeared on the smeared windshield. Then another, and another.
âAnd now itâs rainingâ¦PERFECT!â I gestured at the now-torrential downpour. I flicked on the wipers and watched as the muck began to smear across the windshield.
âHey, hey!â Susie called from the back, her brown curls bouncing as she sat up suddenly in her seat, whipping her iPod from her ears. âI think I see a sign!â
I craned my neck forward, trying to find a clean spot to look through, not even bothering with wiper fluid, it having long-since run dry after a passing particularly nasty cloud of insects. âI donât see anything,â I said. Seriously wondering what kind of eyesight the girl had to see anything, let alone a sign.
âThere!â she said, smacking her boyfriend, Sean on one bulky bicep. Seanâs frame barely fit on his side of the car, he was so large. Next to the diminutive Susie, he looked positively gargantuan. Whenever I saw his shoulders fill a doorway, and how his neck strained at his t-shirts, I thought steeerrrroids. Susie vehemently denied this, of course, and maintained he was just genetically blessed and spent a lot of time at the gym.
The car jolted over a pothole I missed as I tried to see through mud and rain find this fabled sign in the distance.
âCa-Ching!!! JACKPOT!â Sean practically bellowed, bouncing in his seat slightly, causing me to fear for the carâs already strained suspension. âI see the sign too!â He threw one beefy forearm forward between the seats and pointed.
There it was, glory be. Five hours, three truck stops, two questionable truck stop meals, and bathrooms so filthy I wanted to bathe in bleach afterward, it appeared we were nearly at our destination.
It was Seanâs idea to go camping. Should have known better right there. James loved the idea, having been an avid camper as a child. I was more of a city girl, and roughing it was something I felt should be avoided at all costs. Since Susie, who had stuck by me through many vacation disasters, was also gung-ho about the idea, I felt a bit outnumbered and caved. Sean described this picturesque spot by a lake where we could pitch a tent (tent!?!) and enjoy the wilderness (gah, wilderness now!?). It wasnât until later that I discovered this beautiful locale was situated many, many hours away from any civilization. But James was so excited by this point, I couldnât say no. No. Such a small, easy word. No. I could say it now. No no no no no. I sighed. Too late.
The Honda splashed through water-filled, what can only be now described as ponds in the road, and I heard a disturbing grinding noise as it bottomed out. âShit,â I mumbled, âthatâs all we need is to get stuck out here.â
More prophetic words were never spoken.
The car lurched into a particularly vast pothole and at first appeared to be able to slog through, but the viscosity of the mud was too much for it. The wheels began to spin, and my heart began to pound. Yes, it was true, we were gonna die out here in godâs frigginâ country.
Ok, perhaps that was a little dramatic. I was tired, ok? I looked over at James and he looked resigned. I glanced back at Sean, thankful suddenly to have He-Man Master of the Universe in my car.
âUh, Sean, buddy?â I asked tentatively. âAny chance you could go out there and give us a push?â
âNo problem,â He said confidently, and I felt the car rock as he got out. The sound of the rain filled the car until the door slammed. James glanced at me and murmured, âIâd better get out there too.â What was his deal?
âThis is fun, eh Sarah?â Susie chirped from the back seat preventing any further contemplation of Jamesâs attitude. I swear if I didnât love the girl, and wasnât willing to eat nails for her, I might have slapped her.
âFun? Seriously?â I pushed my limp blonde hair out of my eyes and turned to look at her. She was grinning mischievously, her eyes dancing. She looked like a fairy imp.
âYou are so fun to bug! I know you are about to go Mt. St. Helens up there.â Susie laughed at my still-incredulous expression. I turned forward again, making a mental note to get Sean a t-shirt that said, âI Am Dating a Very Disturbed Personâ. A smile cracked at the corner of my mouth. I tried to suppress it. This only made it worse and soon a laugh erupted out of me, and Susie cackled in the back seat. Suddenly we were both in hysterics, tears running down our faces. I tried to calm down, but made the mistake of looking at her and began afresh. After some time, I wiped my eyes and spotted Jamesâs bedraggled face looming in the driverâs side window. I rolled down the window, chuckles subsiding.
âWell, Iâm glad to see you ladies are having fun in here. Being DRY and all,â he said slowly. âBut, we have problem here. We canât get the care out without some sort of friction. I think we should try to make it to the lake and see if we can find some help.â Water dripped of his nose and dotted his eyelashes. Damn the man was good looking.
âOk, uh, hmmm.â I said, trying to compose myself and hearing Susie still giggling in the back seat.
âWell,â Susie said taking a deep breath, âitâs better than you going ballistic, right?â I suppose I was known for my meltdowns, I could admit it. Unlike James, I tended to hold things in only to a point, and at that point I was known to unleash holy hell on anyone who might be in my way.
Susie managed to dig out bag from the back that contained some outerwear, a couple hoodies and a windbreaker. She passed me the windbreaker, the only article that had a passing chance at being waterproof. Thatâs why I loved the girl.
We scrambled out of the car and landed calf-deep in swirling muddy water the colour of a nice iced-mocha. I had expected the temperature to cool with the rain, but no. The water splashed warmly down over us like the worldâs larges shower. Lovely. I sloshed out of the puddle and went overt to James and handed him a soggy hoodie. He took it but didnât bother to put it on. Sean opted to stay in his sleeveless t-shirt as well. The wet material clung to every ripple in his abs and chest. Unnatural, it was.
James and Sean quickly discussed the merits of leaving everything, and then finally opted to bring the tent and tarps and some bags with us. We loaded Sean like a pack mule, and the rest of us grabbed some lighter stuff and off we went. I looked back at my little car, wallowing like a tiny red and gray streaked elephant in the muck.
âHey!â I said after we had walked in silence for a while. âI totally forgot about my cell phone! We can call for help!â
âUh, letâs not get hasty here,â James said. âIâm sure we can get the car out without having to resort to calling anyone. Have some faith, girl.â He grinned at me, and I realized it was one of the first times he had smiled this whole trip.
âSure, letâs give it the old college try first,â I said gamely. Sean looked puzzled.
âBut I never went to college, Sarah,â he said. God almighty. A new t-shirt came to mind for Susie to wear this time âMy 1987 Volvo Has a Higher I.Q. Than Youâ.
âJust an expression, my sweet,â Susie cooed at him. Yeesh.
We squelched on through the mud heading towards the sign that supposedly marked our turn to the lake. After several miles, ok, maybe half of one, we reached it. "Lake Buena Vista" it declared in large black letters. A large black arrow pointed left. The lane, no point in trying to make it a road, it marked went off into some trees after a few hundred yards. I squinted through the trees, hoping to catch sight of some telltale blue of the lake. No dice.
âAll right troops,â I said in a fake-chipper voice, âletâs move out!â And we did. The lane had a grassy strip down the centre with ruts worn down on either side. A well-used thoroughfare for sure. All I cared was that it was blessedly mud-free.
After we hit the trees, I finally felt a change in temperature. The cool greenness enveloped us and blocked some of the rain. After a few minutes of this reprieve, I spotted the lake. Ok, Buena Vista it mi
Ok, it's getting a little long, so here is what I have so far. I will add the rest when it's done!
I peered through the filthy windshield at the rapidly narrowing dirt road and asked, âDoes anyone else think this is a bad idea, or am I the only sane person here?â
A chorus of negation followed by several volleys of crumpled napkins and food wrappers was the answer from the three other people in the over-loaded Honda. A cherry red, brand new Honda Fit that had, before this god-forsaken journey into the heart of darkness, been shiny and sweet smelling. Now itâs cute interior looked like a landfill, and itâs bright exterior was coated with so many layers of crud and filth it looked more gray than red. To top it all off, it was about 110 degrees outside, and I had opted to save money and forgo the luxury of air-conditioning.
I waved my hand dismissively at them, pulling my sticky tank top away from my body, and concentrated on avoiding some of the larger, more canyon-like potholes in the roadâ¦nay⦠trail I was navigating. 20 miles from nowhere, and getting further by the second.
âAre you sure you read the map right?â I asked my boyfriend, James, for the hundredth time, in a way I was sure was a very annoying. Honestly, I didnât really care at this point. He simply brushed back a lock of thick chestnut hair (no man should have hair as great as this- really) and looked at me in that irritatingly calm manner of his. Sometimes his refusal to be baited bordered on pathological. I mean, didnât everyone lose it at one time or another?? Not James. Cool as a cucumber. On ice.
Suddenly a wet splotch appeared on the smeared windshield. Then another, and another.
âAnd now itâs rainingâ¦PERFECT!â I gestured at the now-torrential downpour. I flicked on the wipers and watched as the muck began to smear across the windshield.
âHey, hey!â Susie called from the back, her brown curls bouncing as she sat up suddenly in her seat, whipping her iPod from her ears. âI think I see a sign!â
I craned my neck forward, trying to find a clean spot to look through, not even bothering with wiper fluid, it having long-since run dry after a passing particularly nasty cloud of insects. âI donât see anything,â I said. Seriously wondering what kind of eyesight the girl had to see anything, let alone a sign.
âThere!â she said, smacking her boyfriend, Sean on one bulky bicep. Seanâs frame barely fit on his side of the car, he was so large. Next to the diminutive Susie, he looked positively gargantuan. Whenever I saw his shoulders fill a doorway, and how his neck strained at his t-shirts, I thought steeerrrroids. Susie vehemently denied this, of course, and maintained he was just genetically blessed and spent a lot of time at the gym.
The car jolted over a pothole I missed as I tried to see through mud and rain find this fabled sign in the distance.
âCa-Ching!!! JACKPOT!â Sean practically bellowed, bouncing in his seat slightly, causing me to fear for the carâs already strained suspension. âI see the sign too!â He threw one beefy forearm forward between the seats and pointed.
There it was, glory be. Five hours, three truck stops, two questionable truck stop meals, and bathrooms so filthy I wanted to bathe in bleach afterward, it appeared we were nearly at our destination.
It was Seanâs idea to go camping. Should have known better right there. James loved the idea, having been an avid camper as a child. I was more of a city girl, and roughing it was something I felt should be avoided at all costs. Since Susie, who had stuck by me through many vacation disasters, was also gung-ho about the idea, I felt a bit outnumbered and caved. Sean described this picturesque spot by a lake where we could pitch a tent (tent!?!) and enjoy the wilderness (gah, wilderness now!?). It wasnât until later that I discovered this beautiful locale was situated many, many hours away from any civilization. But James was so excited by this point, I couldnât say no. No. Such a small, easy word. No. I could say it now. No no no no no. I sighed. Too late.
The Honda splashed through water-filled, what can only be now described as ponds in the road, and I heard a disturbing grinding noise as it bottomed out. âShit,â I mumbled, âthatâs all we need is to get stuck out here.â
More prophetic words were never spoken.
The car lurched into a particularly vast pothole and at first appeared to be able to slog through, but the viscosity of the mud was too much for it. The wheels began to spin, and my heart began to pound. Yes, it was true, we were gonna die out here in godâs frigginâ country.
Ok, perhaps that was a little dramatic. I was tired, ok? I looked over at James and he looked resigned. I glanced back at Sean, thankful suddenly to have He-Man Master of the Universe in my car.
âUh, Sean, buddy?â I asked tentatively. âAny chance you could go out there and give us a push?â
âNo problem,â He said confidently, and I felt the car rock as he got out. The sound of the rain filled the car until the door slammed. James glanced at me and murmured, âIâd better get out there too.â What was his deal?
âThis is fun, eh Sarah?â Susie chirped from the back seat preventing any further contemplation of Jamesâs attitude. I swear if I didnât love the girl, and wasnât willing to eat nails for her, I might have slapped her.
âFun? Seriously?â I pushed my limp blonde hair out of my eyes and turned to look at her. She was grinning mischievously, her eyes dancing. She looked like a fairy imp.
âYou are so fun to bug! I know you are about to go Mt. St. Helens up there.â Susie laughed at my still-incredulous expression. I turned forward again, making a mental note to get Sean a t-shirt that said, âI Am Dating a Very Disturbed Personâ. A smile cracked at the corner of my mouth. I tried to suppress it. This only made it worse and soon a laugh erupted out of me, and Susie cackled in the back seat. Suddenly we were both in hysterics, tears running down our faces. I tried to calm down, but made the mistake of looking at her and began afresh. After some time, I wiped my eyes and spotted Jamesâs bedraggled face looming in the driverâs side window. I rolled down the window, chuckles subsiding.
âWell, Iâm glad to see you ladies are having fun in here. Being DRY and all,â he said slowly. âBut, we have problem here. We canât get the care out without some sort of friction. I think we should try to make it to the lake and see if we can find some help.â Water dripped of his nose and dotted his eyelashes. Damn the man was good looking.
âOk, uh, hmmm.â I said, trying to compose myself and hearing Susie still giggling in the back seat.
âWell,â Susie said taking a deep breath, âitâs better than you going ballistic, right?â I suppose I was known for my meltdowns, I could admit it. Unlike James, I tended to hold things in only to a point, and at that point I was known to unleash holy hell on anyone who might be in my way.
Susie managed to dig out bag from the back that contained some outerwear, a couple hoodies and a windbreaker. She passed me the windbreaker, the only article that had a passing chance at being waterproof. Thatâs why I loved the girl.
We scrambled out of the car and landed calf-deep in swirling muddy water the colour of a nice iced-mocha. I had expected the temperature to cool with the rain, but no. The water splashed warmly down over us like the worldâs larges shower. Lovely. I sloshed out of the puddle and went overt to James and handed him a soggy hoodie. He took it but didnât bother to put it on. Sean opted to stay in his sleeveless t-shirt as well. The wet material clung to every ripple in his abs and chest. Unnatural, it was.
James and Sean quickly discussed the merits of leaving everything, and then finally opted to bring the tent and tarps and some bags with us. We loaded Sean like a pack mule, and the rest of us grabbed some lighter stuff and off we went. I looked back at my little car, wallowing like a tiny red and gray streaked elephant in the muck.
âHey!â I said after we had walked in silence for a while. âI totally forgot about my cell phone! We can call for help!â
âUh, letâs not get hasty here,â James said. âIâm sure we can get the car out without having to resort to calling anyone. Have some faith, girl.â He grinned at me, and I realized it was one of the first times he had smiled this whole trip.
âSure, letâs give it the old college try first,â I said gamely. Sean looked puzzled.
âBut I never went to college, Sarah,â he said. God almighty. A new t-shirt came to mind for Susie to wear this time âMy 1987 Volvo Has a Higher I.Q. Than Youâ.
âJust an expression, my sweet,â Susie cooed at him. Yeesh.
We squelched on through the mud heading towards the sign that supposedly marked our turn to the lake. After several miles, ok, maybe half of one, we reached it. "Lake Buena Vista" it declared in large black letters. A large black arrow pointed left. The lane, no point in trying to make it a road, it marked went off into some trees after a few hundred yards. I squinted through the trees, hoping to catch sight of some telltale blue of the lake. No dice.
âAll right troops,â I said in a fake-chipper voice, âletâs move out!â And we did. The lane had a grassy strip down the centre with ruts worn down on either side. A well-used thoroughfare for sure. All I cared was that it was blessedly mud-free.
After we hit the trees, I finally felt a change in temperature. The cool greenness enveloped us and blocked some of the rain. After a few minutes of this reprieve, I spotted the lake. Ok, Buena Vista it mi
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Title Post: Step children making me crazy what should I do?
Rating: 98% based on 9457 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 98% based on 9457 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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