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Rachel
I asked this question previously in case it looks familiar, but allow me to present it a little differently.
You and your boyfriend are living together. Before you met one another, you both went through difficult divorces. Both of you continue to believe in the institution of marriage and have discussed marrying one another and having children down the road, but given your past divorces, you're both a little cautious. You especially.
And for the record, your boyfriend is a kind, handsome, Jewish guy. Shrewd business man, financially dependable, loyal, moral, ethical.
His only flaw is he is unwilling to make concessions that would require him go outside of his comfort zone for you. And your biggest flaw is that you make too many concessions and then feel resentful.
One day you make the extremely difficult decision to end things. You sob and sob, and he senses that you're going to leave but makes no move to stop you.
A few days later you find out you're pregnant.
You have always wanted a child and are excited by the prospect of being a parent, even if it means doing it on your own. You absolutely do not want to get married just because of the child.
You tell him about the baby, and after his initial surprise wears off, he exclaims, "We've got to get married!"
You think, "Whoa...wait a minute...we're still getting to know each other, your creepy little dog makes my skin crawl, I'm distressed by the fact that we live so far away from my job and you're unwilling to move anytime soon even though you have the luxury of working from home while I commute an hour each way..." (see what I mean about the resentment thing?)
But you do love him and you chalk your thoughts of leaving him up to hormonal pregnancy mood swings.
He proposes less than a month later, and you accept.
But... you're a little surprised by the size of the ring. This is a man with a hearty six-figure salary and another six-figures in the bank. You understand and accept that he's a little tight with his money, but you still expected, ok I'm just going to say it, a stone that was a little bigger.
And when you hold the stone up to the light to admire its sparkle, you notice there's a black piece of fuzz on it. Except when you go to wipe it off, you realize it's actually a huge black flaw inside the stone. You get really upset and think the jeweler swapped the stones during resizing. This happened to your grandmother so you know it's possible. You (tactfully) bring it up to your fiance out of genuine concern for his investment, thinking he was cheated, but he assures you that he has a diagram of the stone indicating where the 'imperfections' are, he really trusts this jeweler, this is a non-issue, etc. Case closed.
So now you are left to realize your fiance felt you deserved a stone that can only be described as small and poor quality. Meanwhile, his younger brother, who makes the same salary if not less as he does, proposes to his girlfriend with a 1.69 carat sparkler that takes everyone's breath away. You can't help but notice the question marks in people's eyes as they can't help but notice your ring beside hers. And you can't help but ask yourself the same questions that they're silently asking.
(Please don't judge me. We're all human, remember, and c'mon. Please try to put yourself in my shoes here.)
Do you let this slide?
Or do you acknowledge the fact that maybe he's just not that into you and face the possibility that you two only married because of the pregnancy.
We've been married less than two weeks. This is weighing heavily on my soul. I don't want either of us to have to go through another divorce.
So I guess I have several questions:
Does it sound to you like there is love here, or does it sound to you like we should race to get an annulment?
If it does sound like there is love here, should I let this slide?
Or, to prevent the corrosion of our relationship, should I bring this up? Ask for an upgrade?
I'm so hurt after facing the fact that he really did buy me a cheapie ring that I've barely been able to talk to him for two days.
And yesterday was his birthday!
I feel really terrible. Please advise.
Answer
In this case the size of the ring does matter. You should have never married this guy. The marriage seems to be because of the child and not love. He showed how much you mean to him by buying a $200 ring on a $100,000 salary. I'm sure he spent more on his cell phone, his computer or wrist watch than he did on your engagement ring.
You should definitely talk to him about it because we all know how much this is bothering you. If he does not like to hear it from you, then he really does not love you. He married you to keep his name clean...that's it. Your relationship will continue to decline as long as he continues to disrespect you and make you a second class person in his life. Tell him you want to move closer to your job and you want him to treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve. What is he saving his money for...himself, his next wife, What?
I hope this helps. You can email me if you want. This whole thing seems unfair and you are definitely not being treated right.
In this case the size of the ring does matter. You should have never married this guy. The marriage seems to be because of the child and not love. He showed how much you mean to him by buying a $200 ring on a $100,000 salary. I'm sure he spent more on his cell phone, his computer or wrist watch than he did on your engagement ring.
You should definitely talk to him about it because we all know how much this is bothering you. If he does not like to hear it from you, then he really does not love you. He married you to keep his name clean...that's it. Your relationship will continue to decline as long as he continues to disrespect you and make you a second class person in his life. Tell him you want to move closer to your job and you want him to treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve. What is he saving his money for...himself, his next wife, What?
I hope this helps. You can email me if you want. This whole thing seems unfair and you are definitely not being treated right.
Does Anyone Remember Gary Heidnik?
spiritcave
He lived in Philadelphia, had women in his basement, was finally caught and imprisoned until he was executed. This is a serious question, please no harsh responses. Thanx.
Answer
For Josefina, November 26, 1986 was a night that she will never forget. Angry after a fight with her boyfriend, she left their apartment in a slum area in north Philadelphia to go to work.
Braving rain and bitter cold, she noticed a silver and white Cadillac Coupe De Ville drive slowly past her and stop. She moved closer as the driver's window slid down and a bearded man asked if she wanted a ride. He looked okay to her and she got into the car.
The man introduced himself as Gary and told her he had to make a stop; Josefina, agreed and shortly after they pulled into a nearby McDonald's. She followed him as he went inside and bought coffee and sat with him as he drank it. With a quick appraisal borne of experience, Josefina studied her new companion. He was white, his face framed by a neatly trimmed beard below cold, blue penetrating eyes. Although he wore an expensive watch and jewellery and drove a luxury car, she noticed that his clothes were cheap and soiled. Grasping for things to say, she again asked him his name. "Gary Heidnik," he said sullenly. Several minutes later, he finished his coffee and told her they were leaving. When she asked where they were going, he told her they were going to his house.
They drove to a dilapidated house in a seedy neighborhood. Josefina couldn't help but notice another car parked in front of them; it was a 1971 Rolls Royce. He clearly had some money.
When they reached the door, Heidnik pulled out a strange key and pushed it into the lock. When Josefina remarked about it, he explained that he had cut the key into two pieces, half of which stayed in the lock preventing anyone but him from entering. The door opened into a kitchen, which was decorated by pennies that had been glued to half of its walls. Heidnik led her to a living room with sparse, aging furniture. He offered to show her around and led her up a narrow staircase. As she reached the door of his bedroom, she couldn't believe her eyes, the hallway directly in front of it had been partially covered with one and five dollar bills.
Suddenly, Heidnik stepped behind her and began choking her with his hands. He released his grip but instead of letting her go, he pulled her arms behind her and handcuffed her wrists. He then led to a cold, damp basement room.
Heidnik dragged her to a dirty mattress, attached metal clamps to her ankles and connected them to one end of a chain. He then applied glue to the clamps and dried them with a hair dryer. The other end he fastened around a large pipe that was attached to the ceiling. When he had finished, he told her to sit up and promptly laid his head in her lap and went to sleep. When Josefina awoke there was enough daylight to see the small room that was her prison.
In the center of the room, a small area of concrete had been removed and a shallow pit had been dug into the ground underneath. When Heidnik returned, he set to work to widen and deepen the hole.
As she watched him working, he told her that all he had ever wanted was a large family and to that end had already fathered four children to four separate women but had lost contact with them for various reasons. He told Josefina that his plan was to get ten women and make all of them pregnant so he could raise his family. Then, to demonstrate his intent, he raped her.
Left alone a second time, Josefina loosened one of the ankle clamps and, after prying the covers from the window, stretched the chain to its full length and lifted herself halfway out of the window. Unable to escape fully, she screamed, hoping that a neighbor would come to her aid. Unfortunately, only Heidnik responded to her cries.
He pulled her back inside the basement and beat her with a stick until she quieted down. Then, pushing her down into the tiny hole in the floor, he forced her head onto her chest and covered her with a piece of plywood and stacked heavy weights on top of it. To make sure that her screams didn't attract any outside attention, he set up a radio and tuned it to a hard rock station at maximum volume and left. As she lay half naked and cramped up in the freezing earth, Josefina struggled to breathe and waited to die.
For Josefina, November 26, 1986 was a night that she will never forget. Angry after a fight with her boyfriend, she left their apartment in a slum area in north Philadelphia to go to work.
Braving rain and bitter cold, she noticed a silver and white Cadillac Coupe De Ville drive slowly past her and stop. She moved closer as the driver's window slid down and a bearded man asked if she wanted a ride. He looked okay to her and she got into the car.
The man introduced himself as Gary and told her he had to make a stop; Josefina, agreed and shortly after they pulled into a nearby McDonald's. She followed him as he went inside and bought coffee and sat with him as he drank it. With a quick appraisal borne of experience, Josefina studied her new companion. He was white, his face framed by a neatly trimmed beard below cold, blue penetrating eyes. Although he wore an expensive watch and jewellery and drove a luxury car, she noticed that his clothes were cheap and soiled. Grasping for things to say, she again asked him his name. "Gary Heidnik," he said sullenly. Several minutes later, he finished his coffee and told her they were leaving. When she asked where they were going, he told her they were going to his house.
They drove to a dilapidated house in a seedy neighborhood. Josefina couldn't help but notice another car parked in front of them; it was a 1971 Rolls Royce. He clearly had some money.
When they reached the door, Heidnik pulled out a strange key and pushed it into the lock. When Josefina remarked about it, he explained that he had cut the key into two pieces, half of which stayed in the lock preventing anyone but him from entering. The door opened into a kitchen, which was decorated by pennies that had been glued to half of its walls. Heidnik led her to a living room with sparse, aging furniture. He offered to show her around and led her up a narrow staircase. As she reached the door of his bedroom, she couldn't believe her eyes, the hallway directly in front of it had been partially covered with one and five dollar bills.
Suddenly, Heidnik stepped behind her and began choking her with his hands. He released his grip but instead of letting her go, he pulled her arms behind her and handcuffed her wrists. He then led to a cold, damp basement room.
Heidnik dragged her to a dirty mattress, attached metal clamps to her ankles and connected them to one end of a chain. He then applied glue to the clamps and dried them with a hair dryer. The other end he fastened around a large pipe that was attached to the ceiling. When he had finished, he told her to sit up and promptly laid his head in her lap and went to sleep. When Josefina awoke there was enough daylight to see the small room that was her prison.
In the center of the room, a small area of concrete had been removed and a shallow pit had been dug into the ground underneath. When Heidnik returned, he set to work to widen and deepen the hole.
As she watched him working, he told her that all he had ever wanted was a large family and to that end had already fathered four children to four separate women but had lost contact with them for various reasons. He told Josefina that his plan was to get ten women and make all of them pregnant so he could raise his family. Then, to demonstrate his intent, he raped her.
Left alone a second time, Josefina loosened one of the ankle clamps and, after prying the covers from the window, stretched the chain to its full length and lifted herself halfway out of the window. Unable to escape fully, she screamed, hoping that a neighbor would come to her aid. Unfortunately, only Heidnik responded to her cries.
He pulled her back inside the basement and beat her with a stick until she quieted down. Then, pushing her down into the tiny hole in the floor, he forced her head onto her chest and covered her with a piece of plywood and stacked heavy weights on top of it. To make sure that her screams didn't attract any outside attention, he set up a radio and tuned it to a hard rock station at maximum volume and left. As she lay half naked and cramped up in the freezing earth, Josefina struggled to breathe and waited to die.
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Title Post: How would you handle this situation? (a bit lengthy but please help)?
Rating: 98% based on 9457 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 98% based on 9457 ratings. 4,7 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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