Monday, September 23, 2013

Stay at home wife needs help! Is this fair?(long)?

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blkdragonf


Ok, I stay at home with my 8 month old. At first it was (and still kinda is) hard for me to do things during the day. I usually try to cram all the things that I have to do into the time when my son is sleeping. about 2-3 hours a day. And I try to fit in things when he is occupied with his toys or Sesame Street. I get things done, just slowly.

My husband doesn't understand and expects to see a whole lot more done by the time he gets home. According to him during the day I must: Feed, walk and train the dogs; keep the house clean, keep the front and backyard tidy (dog poo, leaves, weeds, etc), cook, clean and do laundry. Additionally, I unpack and pack his gym bag, fix him a plate so that its ready to eat as soon as he gets in the door and he doesn't even pour his own glasses of water - I have to do that. I feel like a slave. I also have to fill out paperwork (applications, rebates, etc) I have to do the taxes. Oh, did I mention that I'm taking care of my son AND I go to school online part-time. He expects good grades from that

He'll watch our son for 30 mins a day tops. So I hardly get a break. I never go out or have fun. He always talks about how I don't have friends. But I don't even have time to go out and meet them. We moved with his job so I don't have any family here and we can't afford a baby sitter at the moment.

I could get a job, but techincally I have one. He won't really give me money, so if I want something done that's not related to our son, I have to make it. I have a job that I can do online, but its not very reliable. Last month I was only able to get about 5 hours worth of work done.

Ok, so I'm asking is all this fair? He things that since he works, he doesnt have to do a thing around the house. He watches TV, plays video games and works on his motorcycle. He spends money on himself and his bike and his son, but I haven't gotten my hair done in about a year - but he complains saying that I look like a hobo.

I have no problem with staying at home. I would get a job outside of the home, but paying for daycare will cancel out any paycheck that I get. So It'll make more sense to do it how we are doing it. I don't mind doing things for my family. The only thing that I really dislike is that, to really get anything done, whether it is personal, for school, for money or for my son, I basically have to stay up all night to do it. Then I'm up with my son during the day, only sleeping when he does. Or not sleeping at all because I'm doing stuff during the day while he is sleeping.

Thanks for reading!



Answer
Oh my God, its like reading a story about my own life!
I totally sympathize with you 100%! I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old, and I can tell you, I collapse at the end of the day. I was actually just about to post a question in the Parenting section on how I can stay organized a bit so I can manage my time better. As it turns out, with everything that goes on in my day, its nearly damn impossible. Not to mention, my 3 year old and 6 month old wake up with me and go to bed with me. They rarely want to go to sleep before I do. So that means, I have no time to breathe....EVER! Because they are literally with me 24/7.

I know its hard. TRUST ME, I know this too well. My husband even vacations by himself. He goes on a 10 day or a month long vacation whenever he wants to, but when I say that he needs to take a few days off to be with me and the kids, he flips out saying he can't take days off because he has to pay the bills! How fair is that?
I used have friends. I used to take good care of myself. I used to be fit. I used to be happy. I used to be calmer, now I'm a heartbeat away from a major panic attack.
I used to have a lot of friends.

You can talk to your husband about your day all you want, however, he believes you have the LUXURY of staying at home and your life is really easy, so he expects more from you.

Right now, I have talked to my husband about our situation.
I told him me working would in fact be useless because my paycheck would go straight to a daycare.
Please talk to your husband. You have to.
There is nothing he can do to you if you don't clean the house up to his standards.
I have told my husband to eff off many times.
He is b^tching a lot less only because unhappy mom makes for an unhappy home.
He knows that.
By the way, if I ever want to go somewhere, I have to plan it around HIS schedule and only if he feels like it, he kinda lets me go.
Well, guess what? Lately, I just tell him "I need you home around 6pm, I am going out with my sister to the mall". No questions!
If he fails, then he's gonna have to be living with a very unhappy wife.
Tell your husband that your current situation is making you a bad wife and a bad mother. Not because you would do anything to hurt your husband or your child, but, when a woman is unhappy and depressed, she in fact is not a good wife or a good mother. The quality of our care to our kids goes way down when we are depressed. I have seen it happen to me.
I told my husband if I want to enjoy my children, I have to be away from them. Call me crazy, however, that umbilical cord was cut for a reason.
From now on, you do what YOU have to do for YOU.
Tell your husband, don't ask, tell him you are going somewhere. Tell him, you are going for a walk. Tell him you are going to get your hair done. Tell him you are going shopping. Tell him you want to get in a better shape and now that you only have one child, it will be easier for you to have more time for you, believe me, having two is that much harder to find time to do anything.
Start talking.
You are a person in this house too. You are the other part of this marriage and you are damn important part to this family. If everything is expected to run smoothly, you need to be taken care of better. That's just the way it is.
Whatever expectations he has, well, he better lower them because if he isn't helping you, he needs to lower them.
When he watches TV, turn it off and hand him the kid. I have done this a ton of times, it gets the point across. Men are not very good listeners. They only learn through actions.
When he is playing video games, unplug them and hand him over the kid. If he gets fussy about it, who cares? He's a father and he needs to be with his child. He is also your husband and he needs to be there when you need him.
Trust me, talking will get you nowhere with men.
I actually left my husband for a week because nothing was changing. He thought the home situation was fine and I was blowing it out of proportion. He thought our marriage was fine, and said I was complaining because i have nothing better to do.
We were basically falling apart. I felt like a slave, his cook and a maid, and his night time whore.
What did I get in return? I was ignored, criticized, forgotten and blamed for everything that went wrong.
So one night, I took my kids and headed to my parents' home.
This shook him up pretty badly. He is getting a bit better. He is more helpful, gives me time to myself, we go out when we can etc. He is far more involved with the kids then I expected.
My point with leaving him was that I can literally lose my voice talking, he wasn't listening.
Well, when he saw me loading our car with my stuff and our kids, that sent him a clear message that I have had enough.

Whatever you feel you need to do for yourself, do it. Don't think just because you stay at home, that for that reason you should feel like he is already doing you a favor.

Family life in the 1950's?




patricia d


Essential Question How did the aftermath of World War II effect the family roles in a 1950's household and in society?

I'm writing a research paper on this topic, I have a lot of idea but i was wondering if anyone could give me link to first hand accounts or just general information about life in the 1950's

direct answers to the question would be great to!!
focusing mostly on American middle class( focusing on other classes would be great to.. but i have a maximum of 7 pages..)



Answer
Summary of Culture and Life in the 1950's...............................


The 1950's represent a variety of things to many different people. It was a time of
growth, capitalism, conservatism, and anticommunism. With the baby boom in full swing,
suburbs were appearing near large cities. Highways were being constructed to connect suburbs
to each other across the nation. They also connected the nuclear family to vacation spots and to
the rest of their extended family. Capitalism grew as world powers including the United States
and the United Kingdom tried to defeat communism. Anticommunism lead to the conflict in
Korea as well as McCarthyism, which cost many people their jobs. The cold war, fueled by
communism, had new fronts to be fought and weapons to potentially be used. The first
American satellite to orbit the earth, named Explorer 1, came near the end of the decade.
Eisenhower, elected president in 1953 and 1957, helped promote the field of nuclear technology,
leading to American school children being taught to hide under desks in case of an attack and
adults building shelters in their backyards.1
Life was not all about fear however. Restrictions on products available were lifted,
some more quickly than others, depending on the country's recovery rate from World War II.2
This was also the time of Elvis and rock'n'roll, James Dean and Marlon Brando, and sex symbols
Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot. Elizabeth II was coronated Queen of England in 1953,
nearly 400 years after the first Queen Elizabeth. The first jet liner carrying passengers took
flight in 1958.3 Alaska and Hawaii became states in 1959, and public schools across the nation
became desegregated. And who could resist flying saucer watching? Teens became their own
subgroup, and with a pre-cursor to MTV, American Bandstand became a popular TV show.
Kitchen appliances were appearing in pastel colors, and aerial TVs were in just about every
home4.
Along with the changes in the rest of life in the 1950's, fashion was undergoing many
of its own changes, and was greatly influenced by things like music and movie idols. Having
style quite often meant taking luxury to extremes.5 Couture of the early fifties included a
batwinged peplum with an easily detachable trained overskirt, a cocktail dress with a corolla
bosom, the color shocking pink, and designs by the American Charles James.6 Designs by Dior
included âen vol,â a double apron day dress, hugely bloused tops in the style of an artist's smock,
very tight skirts, and Peter Pan collars. Balenciaga and Balmain were other Parisian couture
designers. These designersâ styles were modified for the average woman. Other styles included
pinafore dresses with polo neck jumpers or for secretaries, crisp, white blouses, and somewhat
sensible shoes. A black leotard with a long circular skirt and stole, and corduroy smock and
knickerbockers suit were also popular styles. People in the art community preferred baggy
clothes, such as raincoats and over-sized sweaters, and suits, pressed or wrinkled. Men's evening
clothes did not experience many changes. Men's outerwear did experience a few changes; theâbikerâ look came into style, as well as double breasted suits with theatrical cloaks, and a tighter
version of the Edwardian frock coat.
Hairstyles in this time were also changing. Chemical hair treatments were available for
use at home, but they were not entirely safe and so many women went to professional
hairstylists.7 Women had to get their hair cut and permed at six to seven week intervals, with
washing and setting once every week to week and a half by the hairdresser. Girls wore rollers
and hairnets to bed at night. They also pulled their hair back with a band of velvet during the
daytime. Men wore their hair short, as long hair was âunmanly.â
The late fifties was the time of teenagers. They now had jobs and therefore money to
spend, giving them more power to dictate popular styles8. Girls wore buttoned cardigans and
simples skirts or pinafore dresses with stockings and stilettos. Some girls wore tight trousers and
ballet shoes, since high heels were not considered appropriate with that style. Summer clothes
included cotton skirts with layered petticoats. Leisure clothes were typically jeans know as
âdungareesâ or pedal pusher capris, also known as pirate pants, with a shirt of some kind,
sometimes a man's shirt.9 For formal events, girls dressed like adults. For informal events, they
quite often wore what became known as poodle skirts, consisting of wool felt with large hems
and appliqués, with a high waisted belt, a tight fitting blouse tucked in, and high heels. Boys had
choices including Italian jackets, fluorescent socks, leather jackets, jeans, shaggy sweaters, and
sandals.10 If a young man wanted to deviate from the norm, darker colors, rougher textures, and
crumpled clothes would get peoples' attention.11 One example of this was the Teddy Boys; they
were seen as anti-social for being non-conformist.
Fashion was suddenly going backwards, no longer starting in Paris. Another change
was mass production.12 During the Second World War, clothes manufactures had found ways to
produce more clothes faster and cheaper, and this continued after the war, allowing mass
production for the general public to replace custom made clothing. This caused Parisian fashion
houses to start working with mass retailers and at the same time started the idea of âplanned
obsolescence,â meaning twice a year, the previous season's styles were to be replaced with the
new season's styles. In order to protect their styles at fashion shows, everything from cameras to
sketchbooks were banned. Fabric and fiber availability increased as well; synthetics greatly
expanded choices, and this allowed advances in leisure wear, underwear, and sportswear, among
others. Men's dress changed in that vests, hats, and suspenders decreased in popularity, while
belts, zippers, and cardigans gained popularity. Men working in an office typically wore a suit,
known widely as âthe gray flannel suit,â although it was not always gray flannel; in 1950 Pierre
Cardin designed a suit of stripped cotton. Leisure clothes were changing from military looking
to colorful, comfortable sweaters, poplin shirts, and slip-on shoes. Popular women's styles were
still influenced by Dior, Jaques Griffe, and Marion.13 They included day suits, trapeze dresses, a
return to the twenties' hobbled day dresses, and day dresses with stiff white collars, wide belts,box pleats at the waist, and skirts with a bounce. Coco Channel was another designer, however
she designed clothes for women in the real world with ease, comfort and practicality.14 Her look
included straight skirts, sometimes with box pleats, a single breasted cardigan, sometimes with
lapels, braid and ribbon trims in contrasting colors, and blouses with pussycat bows. Her
thoughts were âFashion fades; only style remains the same.â With the baby boom came the
appearance of maternity clothes.15 It was now a possibility to be pregnant and be in style. The
ideal image of a woman at this time was a housewife, although many photographs indicate the
woman should look like a doll, complete with a heart shaped apron, and was always covered in
frills.16 If the woman had to work outside the home, she wore trim closely fitted close similar to
an airline stewardess, in high heels, emphasizing fragility and curves. Social entertainment dress
was âswan-neckedâ and âsoft shoulderedâ with a ârustling taffeta skirt, shimmering silks,â or
âpastel nylon net decorated with lace, ribbons and sequins.â Parts of dress not thought of often
include corsets, brassieres, nylon hose, and make-up. Corsets still held their place in a woman's
wardrobe, as the ideal body figure was the figure eight hourglass shape, to attract a man for
marriage. Strapless brassieres were becoming more important, since dresses were being
designed without straps as well. Nylon hose improved in fineness, cost, and shape. This may
have led to skirt length shortening, from lower calf to above the knee. Movie make-up artists
took advantage of the release of restrictions to encourage women to wear a light coating of rouge
and eye shadow, liquid eyeliner, and large amounts of mascara, but lipstick was the most
important part.
Summary of Interview with Dianna Dutka
According to Dianna, the styles that were most popular for females were knee length felt skirts,
cashmere cardigans, bobby socks with black and white saddle shoes or high heels, dresses with
pinched waists, and the back collars on all blouses turned up. Men wore gray flannel suits. The
style she and her friends followed was Channel and Bill Blass, and very conservative. The
âcoolâ clothes of the time were skirts, sweaters, and circle felt skirts. Dianna stated that most
girls were influenced by Marilyn Monroe and the guys by James Dean. A popular hairstyle for
guys was called the âduck ass haircut.â She didn't have restrictions regarding what she wore
outside of her catholic school. Movie idols included Frank Sinatra, the Rat Pack, Marilyn
Monroe, and Bobby Darin. Music idols included the Beatles, Les Paul, Mary Flord, Henry
Mancini, Nat King Cole, Perry Como, Diah Shore, Ester Williams, Tony Curtis, Jerry Lewis, and
Dean Martin. Johnnie Ray was popular for make out songs, and Bill Halley and the Comets
were famous for the song âRock Around The Clock.â Technological advances included black
and white TVs without remotes, phones with dials, microwaves, automatic transmission cars,
automatic windows, and âHollywood Muffler Pipes.â Popular TV shows included Ed Sullivan
who had the Beatles and Milton Berle among others on his show, Gunsmoke, Rawhide, and Hit
Parade. Radio shows were mainl




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